I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We had sex on a dog bed..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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