so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
