I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
