I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
