So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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