u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
