Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
