thus making me awesome and them whores
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
