Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
