At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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