That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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