i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
