she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
