I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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