took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
