Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
