***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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