I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
