I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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