i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
