did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
