i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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