she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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