he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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