so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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