there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
