This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
