I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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