I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
