we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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