U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
