Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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