we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
