I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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