had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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