im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize