I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
