Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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