never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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