I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
