I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
