i just wanna soil my oats bro
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
