life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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