she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She's JV to your varsity
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
