the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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