I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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