and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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