Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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