I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
