We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
