It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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