i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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