So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
