i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
