i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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