Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
oh god the rape fog is back!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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