hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
last night I used snow as a chaser
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