Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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