Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My ass is underappreciated
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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