i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
