we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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