I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
