i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
