do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize