puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
