You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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