My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
