Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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