i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
