There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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