it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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