Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
