so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
